Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Top 10 List
10#
Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
- Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
- There go the lights again?
- "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."
9#
Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex...
- 10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
8#
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
- 10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
- 6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
- 5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
- 4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- 3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
- 2. Less guilt the morning after.
- 1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
7#
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't
- 10. Have you looked through her briefs?
- 9. He's one hard judge!
- 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
- 7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
- 6. Is it a penal offense?
- 5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
- 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
- 3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
- 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
- 1. Think you can get me off?
6#
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T
- 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
- 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
- 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
- 7. Look at the size of his putter.
- 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
- 5. Mind if I join your threesome?
- 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
- 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
- 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
- 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
5#
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
- 10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
- 9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
- 8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
- 7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
- 6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
- 5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
- 4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
- 3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
- 2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
- 1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
4#Things to Say at a Funeral!
|
 What's that smell?
|
 So who's that sleeping in the box?
|
 I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.
|
 I would have loaned him my good rope if I'd known what he was using it for!
|
 (to the widow) Now that you're single, how about a date?
|
 It must suck to be dead.
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 (crying) I guess this means I'm out of the buck he owes me! :~(
|
 When do we eat?
|
 Can I have his car?
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 People sure look stupid dead. |
3#Things You'd Never Expect to see in a Normal Day
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A cop at Dunkin Donuts investigating a robbery.
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A fire department on fire.
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A sale on beer before SuperBowl Sunday.
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A vegetarian eating at a steakhouse.
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An oversized rodent carrying a dead cat in its mouth.
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Republicans and Democrats agreeing on something.
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A Nicoret Ash Tray.
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A tree hugger stapling "Save the Trees" posters to trees.
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A teenager doing their homework on Friday night.
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| A lemonade stand charging you sales tax. |
2#Ways to answer the Phone!
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"Hi."
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"Hola!"
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"Hey wassup ?"
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"You have reached the residence of ___________, but no one is here right now... so please leave a...."
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"Thank you, please pull around."
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"Do-do-do- I'm sorry, you call cannot be completed as dialed!"
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"burp!"
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"talk to I!"
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"911 Emergency!"
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| "Pizza Hut Japan, may I take your order?" |
1#Blog Topics.
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Your bowel movements.
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Your hamster's exercise schedule.
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That strange itching, burning sensation.
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"I still can't believe it's not butter."
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Like, oh my God, like. [repeat 10x with random words in-between].
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Dirt.
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[On a rainy day] Mud.
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Your dust bunny army from your living room is planning a pre-emptive attack on the dust bunny forces in your dining room.
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Your imaginary friend cheated on your other imaginary friend and you're incredibly frustrated.
|
| Why would you write a blog? That's what your pet monkey's for! |
seriously, i'm just
FREAKING BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats why i'm doing this........
Vincent Choo ♥
9:56 AM
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